Archive for the Richard’s Rants, Thoughts & Scribblings Category

The Myth of the “PC” Brigade

Posted in Richard's Rants, Thoughts & Scribblings with tags on June 15, 2008 by comedyinc

Everywhere you go these days you here people moaning about this group of people called the PC Brigade. They are spoken of like some sort of secret society as if they were the knights templar or even the illuminati. I personally think this is a load of old shit. There is no actual group called the PC brigade and you cant sign up for them. In essence they have always existed, it’s just now they are call The PC Brigade whereas in the old days they were called “Miserable Old Cunts”…which is very un-pc isn’t it.

Political Correction is not always a bad thing. It’s a good thing that the BNP are hauled over the coals and given bad press because of thier views and policies, rather than being treated like any valid political party. It’s good when Abu hamza gets strung up for the little cancerous boil that he is and we all laughed at Jade Goody when she made a cunt of herself in celeb Big brother. We should be happy to live in a world where people who are minorities are not reffered to in a cheap and hurtful way. This is where political correction gets things right, but….

It gets a lot wrong too. Lets look at the phrase itself “Politically Correct”, this means that it is unacceptable to do or say something that is not considered proper and fair in the world of politics. We know for a fact that Tony Blair is a liar, he went into an illegal war, his hands are stained with the blood of thousands of dead soldiers and hundred of thousands of dead iraqi’s, he is thought to have accepted cash in return for honours, he has increased educational fees, he supports Isreal who are a terrorist state, his wife did dealings with a known austrailinan con-man, members of his cabinet like Blunkett, Prescott and Cook all had affairs, he created unnecessary taxes and managed to turn the working mans party into a capitalisitc party of elists…….So surely this means that lying, cheating, stealing, adultery, deciet and murder are all acceptable in society, but they’re not. Governments run by the policy of “Do as I say NOT as I do” and if you’ve ever had a boss like that you know how it works out in the end. this is same system that God uses and judging by the church numbers around the world i think it’s evident that he needs to change his attitude.

The place where PC has no need is in our language, words are words and should not be made into a single issue. In America recently a comedian by the name of Dave Chapelle was fined $1000 by a comedy club owner for using the word “nigger”….for those who don’t know; dave Chapelle is black. The use of the word “nigger” is banned in several states of the USA now. This is stupid and totally misses the real issue. Dave Chapelle didn’t say the word “nigger” he said “nigga”, it sounds the same but it’s a different word, the “a” at the end turns it into an affectionate term and is not intended to be racial. It’s the same as someone using the word “chink” to decribe a small mark on thier car rather than someone from China. The words we use are not the issue, it’s the emotion behind them that needs to be addressed. The English language is the best language in the world and the reason for that is becasue no other language can be altered and redefined in the same way. If i said “All black people are lazy criminals” then that is a racist statement but at no time have i ever used a traditionally racist word. Look at other words that have been redefined. There is uproar at the moment by certain Gay rights groups about people on TV and the radio using the word “gay” when they are describing something that’s “rubbish” or “stupid”, i personally think they need to do a bit of studying in the etymology of the word “Gay”, if they did then they’d know that years ago it used to mean “Happy”, there is a line in a Noel Coward song which goes “Everyone’s here and frightfully gay” by which he meant “happy”. I wonder if happy people were moaning when the word gay became the new label for homosexuals and if they were did they care about it. In fact the opposite occured and some homosexuals were not happy about the term “gay” being thrown at them…now they complain that it’s being taken away. “Bitch” was always a female dog and now it’s used to describe “a nasty and horrible woman”. We all know about the ammusing mix up of the word “Fanny” in the US and UK. “Dick” can be an appendidge, an idiotic man or even an abbreviation of “Richard”. Which brings me onto a good example of where PC just isn’t needed….

In the late 90’s for some reason, after hundreds of years, it was decided that the dessert “Spotted Dick” was no longer appropriate and it was to be renamed “Spotted Richard”…now to me this just put more emphasis on the presence of the word “Dick” in the original version. Why change something that has been one of the oldest jokes in British culinary history? and is there seriously anyone who is gonna go into a restaurant and see “spotted dick” on the menu and find it inappropriate or in anyway misleading? And is it not unfair to certain individuals who are called Richard esspecially if, like i very clearly do, have a very prominent spot on thier face? Do you know how embarrassing it is to have someone come up to the bar, see a barman wearing a badge saying “Richard” whom also has a massive spot on his face and ask for “Spotted Richard”? No you fucking don’t do you.

I’ve also seen menu’s which are selling “Plough-persons”, i’ve heard people talk about “Person-hole covers” “Fire-person” and “Police-person”. Kids are not allowed to sing “Baa Baa Black sheep” at school and teachers cannot say they are writing on the “Black board”. This kind of behaviour just patronises people who are subject to prejudice and makes everyone fearful of saying words and expressions that have no racial or sexual agenda at all but they think simply by saying a word makes you bigotted, this plays into the hands of people like the BNP and gives them a platform to voice thier garbage.

The “PC brigade” are a conspiracy, they are not real, they are a distraction and they have been created by the most racist, prejudice and bigotted organisation on the planet…the mainstream media. They tell you the things which you can and cannot about certain people say and then print stories which make you hate those people so much you start saying the things you were told not to say…racists are being manufactured and created by these facist and liars.

Everyone from the Daily Mail(which regularly prints stories about immigrants poisoning the Britsih culture such as “The Door we cannot close”, Daily Express (recently had a headline which said “Immigrants are ruining the British way of life), The Sun (Do you really need an example), Jon Gaunt (he slammed the Muslim clerics who preach hate towards this country but defended a Christian street preacher who was banned from saying Homosexuals are going to Hell in the town), Richard Little-John (he said that the 5 women who were killed in ipswich were not a big loss because they were “only” prostitues), The Telegraph (it once stated that “80% of children who are molested are attacked by people of the same sex, there is no evidence for this and no importance other than to be homophobic), The Daily star (headlines such as “Poofters on parade” appear in it), and they always have to describe a gay person as a “homosexual…” as if it matters.

These are the people who, not only make you believe that all minorities, gays and women are ruling the world and are a threat, but then slaughter anyone else who displays even the slightest evidence of prejudice and makes the reader feel helpless, angry and resentful towards these people who have done nothing wrong.

Ken Livingstone was called “anti-semitic” when he said a Jewish reporter was acting like a Nazi running concentration camp, but Livingstone didnt know this until after he’d made the statement.

Prince Harry was castigated for wearing a Swastika to a fancy dress party, even though he probably got the outfit from his grand fathers wardrobe (not that i can prove James Hewitts dad was a nazi)

But i like this PC world we live in. It forces people to be more aware of the world around them and try harder to understand lesser known cultures. 30 years ago every comic was doing jokes about Germans, French and Irishmen and Nowadays we have films like Borat from Kashakstahn, this is due to political correction. There was a time when jokes about gay people were centered around AIDS and being fearful but now they are about lifestyles and tolerence. In the 70’s a joke about a woman was always sexist and derogatory, we still tell the same jokes but they are done in an ironic way in order to mock and ridicule the people who actually believe those things. PC has forced comedians to think outside the box and try harder, it’s stopped them resorting to the easy cheap laugh and using national/racial/sexual stereotypes to get a reaction. It’s also made it easier to cause offence and distress to the people who are afraid of certain words and subject matters, it’s making comedy dangerous and that is when it’s at it’s best.

If we lose the idea of PC then we’ll have nothing to go against and overcome, we’ll have nothing holding is back and trying to restrict our basic human rights, and that might sound like a bad thing, but history has proven that humans are at their best when people try to box them in and force them to be something they are not.

Political Correction is not the enemy….the people who abuse it are.


Footballers wages are too high…says who? so what? & SHUT UP!

Posted in Richard's Rants, Thoughts & Scribblings with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2008 by comedyinc

Because Human beings all contain chracter traits such as jealousy, bitterness, inadequacey and selfishness added to our love and desire to collectively bully and belittle people we irrationally despise, we live in a world full of hate and contempt for various things which people feel are not fair or immoral. These “things” take many forms but all of them are subject to the unwritten rule of  the majority that means it’s ok to hate and judge those which we secretly want to be and are no better than.

Confused? I’ll start with the best example of a topic/occupation that everyone gets on thier high horse about and no-one ever tries to defend…

Footballers Wages

Ask your average “down to earth” aka “thick as shit” person on the street about Footballers wages and you’ll hear the standard replies of indignant outrage;

“Disgusting” “Outrageous” “Undeserved” “Immoral” “Ludicrous” and many other small nuggets of contempt and horror which follow that theme. As sincere as you might want to be the truth is…you are full of shit and lying through your teeth!

First of the wages a footballer recieves are always blown out of proportion. Whenever someone rants about the weekly salary recieved i bet you anything the number they always use is “£100,000 a week”…isn’t it? that’s the figure that’s always brought up…never 80,000 or 50,000 or even 15,000 NO! it’s always “They don’t deserve £100,000 a week” or “If i was earning £100,000 a week like them”…This figure is nowhere near the average wage of every single premiership footballer.

The yearly salary, pre tax, of the average premiership footballer is £670,000…which is a fucking shit load of cash i’ll grant you…but that means the average WEEKLY wage is only…£12,884.61p……which is over £87,000 less than the frequently mentioned £100,000.

In fact the footballers on the fabled £100,000 a week are barely even in double figures…

Ronaldo, Rooney, Ferdinand (Manu aka “scum”)

Gerrard, Carragher (liverpool)

Shevchenko, Ballack, Lampard, Terry, Drogba (Chelsea)

That’s 10 players in total (i might have missed one or two but no more than that) Arsenal has no 6 figure salary players since Viera, Henry and Campbell left.

But why does anyone care about what a footballer earns? who are you to say what they deserve and don’t deserve?

Why are people so arrogant that they feel no sense of doubt when they say “All they do is Kick a football about”…as if to say “I could do what they do”…



…exactly, because you couldn’t…and you’re quite wrong to say that all they do is “kick a football about”…because actually they kick a football in a very precise and specific way, using techniques which are intended to move the ball in a specific direction taking a precise route to get there and requiring a skill and discipline that takes years

Rupert Murdoch owns the 21st Centuries Holy Bible…The Sun Newspaper (where the new J.C. works)

Posted in Richard's Rants, Thoughts & Scribblings with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2008 by comedyinc

This section is gonna focus on a quintessential aspect of British culture but one that strangely but completely shares the same principles and creates the exact same negative sociological effects as…well, i’ll get to that later, but this blog is all about that Great British Icon…The Sun…that’s the newspaper, not the really hot planet…just so you know…good.

The Sun is quite an enigma really. It has the highest circulation of any Daily English language newspaper in the world. It has roughly 3.1 million copies sold nationwide everyday an estimated daily readers figire of 7.8 million. That’s twice as many as it’s nearest competitor The Times (don’t worry though, Rupert Murdoch owns that paper too).

Yet for some reason, which no one can explain, if you ask anyone at any point throughout the course of the day what they think of The Sun…I bet most if not all of the replies you get are all negative, questioning the validity of the stories it prints and doubting that it is a reliable source of fact based journalism. I’m 28 years old and I have never met a single person from any lifestyle, class or cultural background who believes The Sun to be a great paper…

So where are any of this 3.1M people who are buying The Sun?

Who makes up the 7.8M reading it?

The answer is simple…It’s all of us, you, me and everyone you speak to throughout the day. The same people who think The Sun is a pile of old shite are the same people buying and reading it…I should know, I hate The Sun and I read/buy it every single day of my life…I also buy several other papers too but i’ll never fail to buy The Sun…Why?

It’s the same reason I continue to eat McDonalds food…why is this?…         Even though i’ve read many books detailing the exact ingredients of it’s products AND seen many documentaries that expose, not only the questionable nature of the food, but also the unethical and heartless business practices performed by the company, I will still go into a Maccy D’s and eat thier food…much like the way, i’m willing to bet, that YOU go under the golden arches on a regular basis…it’s easier, it’s cheaper, it’s quicker and you know what you’re gonna have and what you’ll be getting instinctively…in other words, McDonalds requires you to do the bare minimum, or even zero, thinking…It’s less effort, it’s no frills, no nonsense eating and it appeals to the “Lazy gene” all us humans have in our DNA…we love doing as little as possible…

For what reasons do we play the Lottery? Endless cash prize for zero effort.

Why do people go on Big Brother? Instant fame that needs no talent.

Why buy a “weight loss” hypnosis cd? A fit body without exercise.

Why do we continue with all these futile shortcuts though? Hope

None of them work do they? Of course not

How many Lottery winners have thier lives ruined by the cash? Take your pick.

How many big brother contestants end up either looking stupid or demonised by the press? It’s easier to count how many of them don’t.

Have you ever met anyone, who wasn’t either getting paid or Paul Mckenna, who strongly reccomends losing weight via hypnosis? A big fat nothing!

Who here knows exactly what goes into a McDonalds “hamburger”? Maybe not “exactly” but any suggestion other than “beef” is going to be likely.

Can you trust a single word that is printed in The Sun newspaper? No, and that includes the day, year, month and barcode…

…we still buy it though…because The Sun doesn’t ask us to think…or question…or ponder…or make up our own minds…it does everything for you AND has a lovely pair of young girls tits on the 3rd page in…Perfect!

To be honest I wouldn’t mind that being the case if The Sun encouraged you to think lovely thoughts and be happy all the time. But it does exactly the opposite of that…just like every single piece of “news” that has ever been “reported” by any channel or paper which is owned by Rupert Murdoch, the king of right wing propaganda and corrupt media and proof that all those criminals that the British shipped off to austraila all those years ago should have been castrated before they left…If only us Brits weren’t so soft and easy going eh?

I could sit here until the end of time listing the best of the worst of The Sun but that’s not really necessary is it? You don;t need me to convince you that it’s a less than fallable know that already.

You also know that if “The Sun” was a human being it would be a full blown paranoid schitzophreonic with severe ADHD…it would be a millwall firms football hooligan in a nice suit…James Bond’s Looks with Peter Sutcliffe’s mind…Good looking and yet totally unbalanced…A perverse cross between Robbie Williams, Stephen Fry, Amy Winehouse and Dr harold Shipman…ok?

The Sun is like The Bible in many ways. The Bible, like The Sun, is so popular because it appeals to so many people, it does this by being inconsistent and contradicting itself…for example;

 It will deliberately choose to print stories that smear and attack a certain race (usually not very white) or religion (mainly Islam) but when a similar story occurs involving “indiginous” people (white and christian) they decide it’s not worth printing…but every couple of months it runs a campaign to “Stop racist name calling” (This involve their front page perversly printing out every racist slur there is…just so all the bullying kids know exactly what to call that light brown boy in thier class) or they trot out the old “Kick racism out of football” (which is a cause that’s about as worthwhile and likely to succeed as a “Kick all the sand out of Africa campaign”). This means that whenever someone accuses The Sun of racism or prejudice they can just dig up one of these half hearted and pointless campaigns as evidence to the contrary…and they win the argument. this is similar to how The Bible will say “An eye for an eye” but then also preach “Turn the other cheek” or  that “You should Love thy neighbour as thyself” unless they take it up the arse because “A man laying with a man is an abomination”…The Sun, just like the The Bible, preaches hate and fear but contains just enough “love” to cover it’s arse if attacked!

The Sun is, as it’s apologists and employess will brag about ad nauseum, the biggest selling English-language newspaper in the world…The Bible, likewise, is the biggest selling book in the entire world, this is a fact which smug Christians rejoice in telling people like myself, as if to say “See, you can;t argue with the numbers” so i’m not going to, The Bible has sold 1 copy for each person currently on the planet…But when you realise that it was 1st published in 120 AD…you realise that it’s not really that impressive is it?…I mean, considering it’s been available in all good and shit book stores + every hotel room on earth for over 1,800 years now, it should be the 1 seller…it’s had a bit of a head start to be fair! 

Not only can the number of sales not be used to prove a products high level of brilliance or credibility, it’s also certainly not a very valid way to guage the taste, morality or intelligence of the people who are buying/reading The Bible…it should at least raise an eyebrow when you consider that the 2nd most sold book of all time is “Quotes from Chairman Mao” who for the historically ignorant is a man responsible for 60 million deaths! Amazingly it’s sold a sixth of The Bibles total sales and has only been on sale for 41 years…3rd biggest seller? The Koran which has the handicap of not having every hotel in the western world being obliged to purchase one per room…5th is The Chinese Dictionary…6th on the list is “The common book of prayer” which like The Bible takes most of it’s sales through mandatory purchases by Churches, The Military and Hospital Chapels…9 is The Book of Mormon by that mental case Joseph Smith Jr…and the final and, in my opinion, most interesting fact regarding the biggest selling books of all time; between 10-20 there are 6, that’s a whopping 6, of the 7 Harry Potter books written by JK Rowling with all 7 books selling a combined total of 475Million+…that’s only 300Million less than the total sales figures of the Koran…Are you still afraid of the Muslims or should we prepare for the Radical Extremists of Harry Potterism?…and to put this argument to bed once and for all you need to ask any boastful Christian why, if the bible has sold so many copies over the world, do the number of atheists now out number every single religion there is in terms of pure numbers? The answer is simple. Ask any committed and intelligent Atheist “Why do you dismiss The Bible and the concept of God?” and they will all give you an answer similar to this one (which is mine)…

 “I owe my atheism to The Bible, After reading it myself I realised that no sane person could possibly justify using it in any modern day scnario or claim it to be credible as a guide ofr teaching morality and compassion”

This is also true of The Sun. The people who hate it and despise everything it does are the people who know it best, the same way Atheists know more about religion than the religious people do. The truly ignorant and brainwashed nutters will be a % of the 3.1million daily buyers of The Sun, the more sceptical and intelligent people will be virtually all of the 4.8million who read The Sun but don;t buy it.

This is a rather long blog so i’ll wrap it up for the time being (i’m not done completely though). In every way that there is and from every angle and perspective that you could take The Sun newspaper is Identical to The Bible, it tells stories that aren;t true, it tells lies and promotes hatred and bigotry, it preys on the ignorant and the weak, it promises it’s followers prizes beyond thier dreams, It blames everyone but YOU, it’s early pages feature naked people (Adam n Eve at the start of the bible vs Page 3 in the sun), It tells you about the end of the world, it hates gays, women and palestinians, they require you to think as little as possible and offer all the answers you need…

…and, the most amazing similarity, is that The Bible has only one character, in Jesus, that is a shining light to us all, and so to does The Sun…in Jeremy Clarkson…Think about it!…Jesus was one part of the holy trinity, Jezza is one part of the Top Gear Trio…Jesus said contraversial things, Jezza does the exactly same, Christ was Crucified and If certain people had thier way so to would Clarkson…they even both have the same initials as each other JC…End of discussion!

“Forgive them Hamster, May knows not what he’ll do”


 The Messiah Jeremy Clarkson in The Gospel of St Stig Chapter M5: V 12.

All the best from His Holiness The IrRevrand Richard O’Coughlan.

Democracy is fucked forever…lets do reverse voting polls.

Posted in Richard's Rants, Thoughts & Scribblings with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2008 by comedyinc

Democracy: A system of selecting a Government by asking the populations adult citizens to pick their personal preference. The Party with the majority of the votes cast gains control of the country for at least a period of 4 years when the whole process is repeated…sounds great eh? except it isn’t really when you think about it. This so-called “Democracy=Freedom+Superiority” ideology, that Great Britain and the USA arrogantly force other “evil” countries to adopt, is on it’s last legs and needs to be shot in the face and buried…We need a change.

Why does nobody ever trust the Government, it’s Leader and all it’s members at all?

What has instilled this contempt and total mistrust in, what is current, the vast majority of the democratic world?

The key to winning a democratic election is simple; being the most popular. It’s basically the most elaborate, expensive, devious and treacherous popularity contest ever concieved by mankind. It’s the original and the cruelest reality tv show in existence. It’s a political version of the pro wrestling contest known as The Royal Rumble, no friends, no allies, anything goes and you win by any means necessary…the last man standing at the end takes the prize and the glory.

This is where the problem lies. Human beings crave popularity, we love being the one who is most loved, most sought after and effortlessly getting peoples attention without having to try. Look at myspace for example, it’s made each and everyone of us obsessed with having more “virtual reality” friends on our list than all of our “actual reality” friends…I bet you’ve all asked your mates “How many friends have you got?” and if their total is less than yours you genuinely feel a little bit superior and oh so very smug…why? what does it actually mean? how will it alter or influence yours on anyone else life? what is it that makes you feel so happy about it?…it’s the feeling of being the most popular person. This website is methadone for ADHD sufferers…but all you care about is being the most popular…even though this means you’ll attempt to “add” anyone and everyone without any reason, emotion or thought that goes beyond “Must add more people, increase my friends total, bigger number make happy me inside”

If it meant beating the number boasted by the only one of your friends that was ahead of you…Would you accept an add from Ian Huntley?…whatever the answer was…you had to think for second didn’t you?

This soul-less attitude and mercenary behaviour is exactly the way a campaigning politician feels about you, you’re a “friend”  on thier extended network and they are “requesting” you to “add” them. Niether of us know or even care who this person…we just want them to think we care…once the request/vote has been accepted/cast your attention in them is gone forever.

Democracy was supposed to be a way to get the politicians to work and serve the public and allow us to decide whom we feel is the best person for the job. In reality that’s not the case is it? We don;t decide which of the candidates is the best…they just say all the right things in order make us think they are the best…the winner is the one who gave the most convincing performances and fooled the most people…this is why The Tory Party and The Labour party are virtually identical to each other, they’re both full of shit but we have to decide whose shit smells worst.

The perverse paradox in letting the majority choose the candidate is the fact that popularity and excellence cannot go together, you can be one or the other but not both…Here’s my evidence to prove the point…

The following is a list of various products/services with the publics most popular brand/version written underneath. Are any of these choices the best?

 Most popular restaurant

Mcdonalds. 35,000 restaurants in 119 countries. Takes $19 billion anually.

Most popular Car

Toyota corolla. 35 million sold to date.

Most popular song

Bing Crosby: White Christmas. over 50 million copies sold.

Most popular TV show

Baywatch. shown in 110 countries. 2.3 Billion viewers.

Most popular designer label

Burberry…no i’m not kidding…Burberry.

Most popular drug 

Caffeine. Legal and therefore harmless yes? No, this drug so strong  as little as10g can kill a human. In tests mice have been injected with huge amounts of caffeine and then exposed to a level of radiation produced by a nuclear bomb…this mice all lived! 

Most popular websites in each country

UK: 1-Facebook. Highest Pornsite-17 Megarotica

USA: 1-Myspace. Highest Pornsite-16 Megarotica

Iran: 1 Blogfa. Highest Pornsite- None listed in top 100

Denmark has the Highest Pornsite ranking-12 Megarotica

Globally Yahoo! gets most hits. Google is 2. YouTube 3. There are 5 social network sites in top 10. Megarotic is 37. Youporn 43. In the top 500 there are no websites about, created by or covering any form of Religion…not one site.

Most popular book

The Bible. Nearly 1,900 since it went on sale. 6 billion in circulation, that’s roughly 1 for every person alive today. There are enough atheists currently in the world to outnumber the followers of every single religion…Those Bibles don’t seem to have helped.

The bottom line is that history and these statistics prove that the most popular decision is never the right one. Democracy needs to change and stop this happening…how?…easy, the party with the least votes cast is clearly the best qualified to takeover…so the real winners of the 2005 General Election of Great Britain, seats won;0 seat %: 0 net gain: 0 net loss: 0 votes %: 0.000000001% recieveing 502 votes…um…the…huh?…righty dokey…

The UK Community Issues Party…You know…Oh you do you silly thing, anyway they are the rightful hiers to 10 D. street and possibly the best leaders we’ve never seen in our lives….

All the best Richard Coughlan

Britain is the worlds #1 in binge drinking…but its not JD Wetherspoons fault (according to the owner)

Posted in Richard's Rants, Thoughts & Scribblings with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2008 by comedyinc

One of the current “hot button” issues which seems to be in every paper everyday is the so-called “Binge drinking culture” of Britain.
Now first off i think that the press and other media outlets need to drop the “culture” part of that phrase, grammatically it’s the equivalent of a bald mans comb over, it’s trying hard but ultimately the desired effect is not accomplished. During the 1980’s the discovery of AIDS was not referred to as “The buttfuckers genocidal alternative lifestyle choice”…they called it “Gay Plague” which I do not condone but at least they didn’t try any futile attempt to make it sound pleasant or interesting.
There is nothing about binge drinking that can be considered cultural. There are 5 definitions of “culture”, they are…

1. The quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits, etc.

When you are completely paraletic on booze the primary concepts which you will not be able to fathom in anyway are arts, letters, manners and scholary pursuits.

2. that which is excellent in the arts, manners, etc.

Same as above, however as they have used the term “etc” at the end this leaves the definition open to some degree of interpretation…not enough to include abusing the employees of a Kebab house and whilst your piss dries into your trousers.

3. a particular form or stage of civilization, as that of a certain nation or period: Greek culture.

Binge drinking destroys all elements of civility and the closest you’ll get to Greek culture is ordering a tub of humous with your large mixed kebab.

4. development or improvement of the mind by education or training.

This one really needs no explaining.

5. the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group: the youth culture; the drug culture.

This one is close but binge drinking is not a characteristic of a “particular” group in society, it’s a chracteristic of EVERY group in society and is too widespread in it’s appeal to classify as culture.

So let’s cut this bullshit out and start dealing with facts and use a bit of common sense.

Tim Martin, multi-millionaire owner of pub chain JD Wetherspoons, spoke out yesterday in several newspapers about what he believes to be the root cause of all this binge drinking…He confessed that it was largely due to his nation wide and very low-priced drinking establishments providing alcohol at prices which made binging very easy and convinient…HA HA HA ONLY JOKING!

Of course he didn’t say that, that would be stupid wouldn’t it? How could anyone possibly blame Tim Martin and his 668 alcohol supply centres which fill the landscape of the UK from John-o-groats to landsend?
What twisted logic could lead anyone to suggest that JDW have any links whatsoever to the immensely increased levels of consumption of booze by everyone in this country from John-o-groats to landsend?

No, that theory is complete poppycock according to Tim Martin. In fact he revealed yesterday that the biggest contributing factor to this anti-social epidemic is….Badly Behaved Celebrities…Well what else could it be? There is absolutely no other possible explanation is there.

Tim Martin, a man making roughly £38m profit a year selling alcohol for the lowest price possible to the lowest paid people every single day, thinks that it’s all the fault of that heartless bitch Amy Winehouse and that monster Pete Doherty…They’re irresponsibly reckless behaviour and glamourisation of the over-indugence of drink&drugs has made everyone in country a mindless out of control piss-head…Well i think we can all agree that Tim’s argument is pretty fucking water tight eh?…


Deep breath….phew…Let me draw this out for Tim in big crayon with lots of pictures and colours…ready? GO!

Do you honestly believe that if we lived in a world without Winehouse, Doherty, Gallagher or Charles Kennedy that the rest of us plebs would not drink to excess? Maybe we would even forget what the fuck alcohol actually is. Then our memories would erase all knowledge that alcohol ever existed, we’d jog, run, count calories, eat carrots and live for over 175 years until we all died peacefully in our sleep with massive erections…or d’you that might just be a load of fucking bollocks Tim?
People, on the whole, are very shallow and weak BUT the idea that binge drinking is a “fad” which is “fashionable” is totally delusional and is completely without any foundation or substantive proof at all.
It’s a myth and a fallacy that gets trotted out ad infinitum by people like you, all of whom are trying desperately to pass the baton of blame onto something else in the hope that it stops people from blaming YOU!…well it may have fooled some people Tim but not this hombre right here.
You’re sounding very much like the guy from the movie “Thank You for not smoking”…you’re lying Mr Martin, you are a bastard liar!

Here’s a question;
If “celebrity binge drinking” is the direct cause of “pleb binge drinking” then what is the direct cause of “celebrity binge drinking”?
Who or What has influenced them and caused them to be so dangerously excessive?
Celebs were normal people at one time, how come they have to carry the guilt of every wankered degenerate in this country?
It seems unfair to me that John & Jane Knob-head can get slaughtered safe in the knowledge that they can blame Amy & Pete…whilst Amy & Pete can’t blame anyone else other than themselves…which means they carry thier own burdens AND the general alco-populations…
Well then surely if Amy & Pete, whose behaviour everyone is apparently copying, have enough dignity, pride and strength to blame themselves for their actions and take responsibility for them + 25 million total strangers, then how come nobody is copying that behaviour?
If they are capable of controlling this country into an alcoholics wet dream then surely they could impose a bit of maturity and confidence too.
See my point Tim?

Heres another;
Would Tim Martin have this same attitude and contempt for partying celebrities
if they were all drinking, socialising and getting photographed at JD Wetherspoons?
You never hear the owners of The Ivy, Tramps, Chinawhite or any other preferred celebrity clubs complaining about them do you? They’re not bothered by the puddles of sick left on thier entrance mat by Howard Donald and Gary Barlow.
And, how does Tim not know that these famous faces don’t ever drink in his pubs? With 668 of them in the UK it seems like the odds are quite high that a drunk celeb would at some point go into one.
If Amy winehouse goes down to her local “spoons” and gets mullered and is caught by the papparazi on her way out puking through her nostrils and it’s all over the tabloids the next day…then hasn’t Tim Martin just aided and abetted Amy in her insane quest to give as many people in this country chronic liver failure? is he not just as accountable as he accuses Amy of being?

The biggest problem i have with Tim Martin is the hypocrisy and double standard of the phrase “These Celebs fuel the binge drinking”…You Bell-end!

If the word “fuel” is going to applied to this issue and be representative of the most vital component needed in order for binge drinking to exist…then it’s FUCKING ALCOHOL YOU SPANNER!! How in the name of Cliff Richard’s swinging scrotum can anyone claim that binge drinking is “feulled” by celebrities..It’s fuelled by you Tim and it always has been, if we lived in a world where there was no alcohol and loads of celebrities would people binge drink?
NO! WHY? There’s no cunting booze is there…get it now?

Now consider this;

Tim Martin sells alcohol to people.
The people Tim is selling alcohol to gradually start buying & taking more alcohol.
Eventually lots of people are taking lots & lots Tim’s alcohol.
Tim blames this increased demand for alcohol on Partying Celebrities.
Tim is never blamed for the consequences of the alcohol he has sold.

Now take those 5 sentences but this time replace the word “alcohol” with “Smack” or “Cocaine” or “Crack” and read it again…

…Fucked up really is it not? A coke dealer can’t use that excuse when he goes to court can he?

“Your honour people only bought my concaine after they saw John Leslie & Kate Moss doing it in The News of the World…I was an innocent victim in this!”

“Fair enough, your free to go, case closed!”

I spent 9 years at JD Wetherspoons pubs. I hate them with my soul. But i always respected Tim for achieving what he had and to an unprecedented level. But now i’m afraid that I have nothing but contempt for you Tim. You have offically 100% sold out and joined the likes of Murdoch and Phillip Morris.
Shame on you sir.

If you think Atheism is destroying Religion…You haven’t read the Bible.

Posted in Richard's Rants, Thoughts & Scribblings with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2008 by comedyinc

Everytime I write a blog or an article about religion I always finish writing and say to myself “That’s it no more religious debates OK?” and yet somehow I always fail miserably…The relationship between myself and religion is very similar to relationship between heroin and Renton from trainspotting…”Just one more hit”…”Just one more hit”…But no matter how many times I board up my bedroom door and try to block it out from my life, somehow I always end ripping the boards off and coming back for more.

This rant has been inspired by an incredibly large amount of postings on YouTube recently. They are made by religious people, all of whom are either Christians or one of its many spin-offs, with the express intention of discrediting and demonising Atheism and Atheists. They’ve all got it into thier heads that Atheism is attempting to destroy religion in all its forms and force people to denounce thier Gods and live under an oppressive and brainwashing cult…which means that now they all know how Atheists have felt for the last few centuries…To these Christians et al I know that what I’m about to say will fall on deaf ears but please FUCKING GROW UP YOU ARSEHOLES!!!

Did i fall asleep and miss a couple of thousand years recently?
As far as I was aware the last time I checked I noticed that for as long as mankind has had civilisation the entire world has been pretty much been under the control of religion or religious leaders or religious law or religious doctrine and not once have I heard about any Atheist empires or countries describing themselves as “We are an Atheist Nation” and I can’t seem to remember ever hearing a news report with Kate Aidie shouting “Today the Atheist Army from Hawkingstine launched it’s carpet bombing attack on the small Agnostic nation of Darwinistan after it’s leaders announced that they all thought that ” Richard Dawkins is a great scientist but he does always come across as a bit of a smug bastard”…The war continues”….You know what I mean?

Now at this point the standard pavlovian response from theists is to bring up 1,2 or all 3 of the following historical figures; Chairman Mao, Pol Pott and Adolf Hitler. You’ll be told that these men were all Atheists and yet they each committed murder with a level of barbarism that is beyond belief
“How can atheists take the moral high ground when these 3 men committed unspeakable horrors and were also Atheists?”
Firstly I have no interest in taking the moral high ground on any issue, i’ve been up there before it’s cold, lonely and boring as fuck. Also, it is not an atheists obligation to take the high ground anyway, that’s the responsibility of you “God fearing folk”. You decided to call yourself a Christian and that automatically places a specific set of rules, standards and practices which you must adhere to. Atheists have no set moral code in place which they must follow…religiously. We can make up our own moral code and our own set of ethics and standards, we can set our own boundries of taste and decency and when we do something, good or bad, we don’t have to refer to a passage an ancient text in order to explain ourselves.
Was Chairman Mao a cunt? Of course he was, he killed 60 million people that’s usually enough of a qualification. However the one thing he wasn’t was an ideological hypocrite, he decided to commit his monsterous acts because it’s what he wanted to do and he could get away with it because, like religion, his followers were mindless fools.

But regardless of his beliefs or lack thereof, he didn’t turn around and say “This is in the name of Atheism” he didn’t use his or anyone elses atheism as justification for what he did and he doesn;t have to either, because being an atheist was not the catalyst for him commiting mass murder. The same goes for Pol Pott, evil twat? Yes! But he wasn’t, as I have heard Christians call him, a Fundametalist Atheist (which is an oxymoron) the reasons for his mass murdering were…being a cunt!

Even if there was a tiny bit of evidence to suggest that Mao and Pol Pot’s Atheism was a key factor in thier actions, the claim that religion would have stopped them committing mass murder is tainted with about 2000 years of non-stop religious war & barbarism…What is the benefit of killing in the name of Atheism? Atheists believe that there is no God or afterlife i.e. NOTHING…who would Kill in the name of that which is not there?

I don’t think for  that if everyone was an atheist all the horrors and evil of the world would suddenly vanish overnight (that’d take at least a fornight) BUT with a bg difference..

Global issues that we have today would all be the same in “Atheist-land” But, in my opinion,  anyone planning on and carrying out the killing of hundreds, thousands or even millions of people would at least have to have the balls and the courage of thier convictions to admit that they were doing it purely for themselves instead of just hiding under God’s beard whilst quoting some shite from Leviticus.

If Mao & Pott were Christian men, It’s more likely that, not only would they have commited their monsterous atrocities but, they would have done so whilst claiming that it was what God wanted them to do for him…I need only look at Ariel Sheron, leader of the terrorist state of Isreal, who is illegally occupying someone elses country and massacaring thousands upon thousands of the Palestinian people every day…Just like Mao & Pot BUT Sheron gets away with it. Why? due to the media’s bias towards Isreal but mainly because Ariel is trying to lead God’s chosen people back home to their promised land where the return of Jesus is expected anytime now…anytime NOW!…now?….whatever.

At the end of the day Sheron is no different to Moa or Pott but because he’s taking the Jews back to their land which they claim God gave to them (since when was God a fucking estate agent) Who’s gonna argue with them when they have God on thier side…oh and the UK…and USA…as well as several thousand nuclear missiles which means their WMD’s out number those of every other middle east nation combined.

…Oh an Hitler? He wasn’t an Atheist, that’s called a lie, which means the Christians who say Hitler was an Atheist have broken one of God’s commandments and as a result they are all gonna burn in Hell for all eternity…But remeber that he loves you all.

Look here Christians you childish bunch of fucking drama queens…You’ve had a good run yeah? 1,800 years in charge is what I would call “a good crack at the whip”?
And now your numbers are dropping, your flock is fleeting and every year the atheist numbers are growing. We are also no longer content with being polite and having to hide our God-less-ness away in a darkened room never to bring it up just for the benefit of God’s fanclub…why? How come no one ever tells a Christian…

“Listen do not start banging on about God and Jesus when Terry is in the room, you know it just aggravates him?”

Why am I the one who has to be quiet so as not to offend anyones beliefs. What about my beliefs, or lack of them? Are they empty?
What’s the worst that could happen if the deeply religious were given a damn good unholy roasting by a heretic?
If you are deeply religious then surely what I, or anyone else says means nothing to you…you will be rewarded in Heaven…I will burn in Hell…yes? so what are you all so very afraid of?

If atheism is on the rise then it’s not through brainwashing because atheists don’t have a church, bible, recruitment policy, schools just for us, government presence, lobbying power, drug rehab dogma and we don’t get to pound our views and opinions into the impressionable minds of young kids who believe in the tooth fairy and the boogeyman…

…so ask yourselves Christians; If you have got all that in your favour and all atheists have is “The God Delusion” and some crusty old copies of “Hustler” yet, in your eyes, WE are the ones who are destroying YOU + after having only been in out the public domain for a few years…What does that say about the validity and the rationality of your irrelevent, bronze age bullshit?

Oh and one more thing; Atheism is NOT a religion. People like to say it is but it’s not. That’d be like saying; “Sleeping is an Excercise” because it is the exact opposite.   Just like “Bald” is not a hair colour, its an absence of hair…or my favourite metaphor…”Abstinence” is just like Fucking….which, as all young Catholic kids will learn from their priest, is very wrong indeed.

Religion requires people to follow, believe, do this, do that, don’t do this and thou shalt not blah blah blah…
Atheism requires you to believe in nothing that you don;t want to, it asks you for nothing, it gives back to you nothing, you have to pay ancient myths nothing, you must follow nothing and thou shalt not be afraid of nothing.

All the best Richard “Amoral Atheistic Ape” Coughlan

Fuck off God. You Date raping, Psychopathic, Pro-Paedo Closeted Homosexual…You SUCK!

Posted in Richard's Rants, Thoughts & Scribblings on June 15, 2008 by comedyinc
Hello there facebook friends, family and fucked-if-I-knows,

I haven’t written a note in a while so i thought i’d make up for lost time.

In America right now there is a bit of a battle going on in the classroom between Evolutionary Science and Intelligent Design.

1st off i’d like to say from the get go that the very notion of someone even suggesting the hypothetical scenario that in the year 2008 in the USA, the self appointed leaders of the “free world” (or as we British called it “empire builders”), are still having a debates and conflict over the teaching of and the validity of evolution in schools and in general is, to be kind, a fucking disgrace.

America should be bright red with humiliation and embarrassment at this point in time. I’m saddened when I watch these complete retards on the US news shows, the live debates and the public discussions.
I’m not sad because of what these dick-less bloodclots with a plankton’s IQ believe in, that I can live with. What makes me sad is the fact that it seems to me that most of the people in America don’t seem to realise that everyone else in the world are pissing themselves laughing so hard that i wouldn’t be surprised if it was everyones piss causing the seas to rise and not the melting ice caps.

It is a concern for the future of the environment in my opinion, i mean if they are still debating evolution after 150 years, it doesn’t really bode well for belief in Global Warming.

America, you might have the biggest baddest weapons, the most control over Oil, the producers of some of the greatest music, films, writers, philosophers, stand up comedy, space exploration, TV shows and individual examples of courageous Human rights activism….BUT…and this is a BIG FUCKING BUT…

…The greatness of your Incredible Hulk sized Ying is immensely overshadowed, overwhelmed and overpowered by the genetically enhanced, steroid addicted, super-sized motherfucking Yang straight out of Cloverfield standing next to it.

USA is #1 but at the same time it’s also a very well desderved #195 (it would 196 but thanks to the US funded terrorist state of Zionism called Isreal, the country of Palestine no longer exists on any map, thus America goes up 1 place in the rankings…only 194 to go)

Fox News, George W Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Pledge of Alligence, National day of Prayer, Homeland Security (which is far too close to Fatherland for my liking) The Iraq War, the war on terror, the war on poverty, the war on drugs, the war on class, the war on unemployment, the now annual war on christmas, the culture war, the war against catholic church & christianity and Islam AND Jews (all at the same time & they still believe their dogmatic shite)
For everything I love about America there are 101 things I hate even more.

And the one thing that America has that will constantly bring me out in an uncontrolable, barbaric rage without fail, everytime it’s their Relgious,
right-wing psychopaths.

I know that these Muslim Extremists are a lot scarier than the Jesus freaks in many obvious ways but, I think that’s got more to do with the fact that I am, by the geographical default of my birth, on the same side as the eagerly fighting Christie brigade.
I would imagine that If I were an atheist but I was actually of middle eastern origins and arabic parents that I’d be less scared of these horny, highly explosive “Allah Akbar” yoddlers who, IMHO, don’t kil themselves for Islam or Allah, they just want to have some that virgin minge that might be waiting for them…I question any religion that only gets extreme followers using sexual frustration to drive the men insane and then tell them…
“if you blow yourself up whlst on that crowded train when you die Allah will unleash a tsunami of untapped Islamic beaver”
I’d be a suicide bomber if it was me, you couldn’t fucking strap the bomb on quick enough quite frankly…I’d probably even make sure to take a couple of viagra 1 hour before I pull the cord just in case i need more stamina.I’d get so excited that i’d forget to shout “Allah Akbar” and say something stupid like “Yippee Kieay Mother Fuckers”

But the fact is the “it aint nuffin’ but a JI-had thang” crew don’t really do that much anymore do they.
9/11…01, that was 7 years ago and killed 3,000 people.
We then had to wait 4 fucking years for the “Islam live in London” attacks on 7/7/05. and that killed 53
So the 1st attack 3000…2nd takes 4 fucking years and kills 2947 less people than the first one.
Does anyone else get the impression that maybe, just maybe, these guys aren’t the well equipped, well prepared super villains from X-men 3 that we’ve been led to believe?
In the last 7 years there have been more recorded sightings of Leprahcauns than Osama Bin Laden, he’s the fucking scarlet pimpenel of Arabia.
I don’t believe that him being alive or dead makes any difference do you?
Why do people think that him living or dying matters? It doesn’t matter in every other form of Religion does it….example;
Who is more powerful, influential and has a bigger following: Osama Bin Laden or The Pope?
IMHO, and I assume yours as well, it’s The Pope by several fucking light years…what happened when the last pope died?
Did Catholicism come to an end? No.
Did the victims of the 3rd world AIDS pandemic get access to artificail contraceptive devices and medicines? No.
Did the rival christian sects in Northern Ireland all strip off naked, start singing “Joy to the world” and have one massive nationwode circle jerk? No.
Did homophobia dissappear from our society without a trace? No.
Have all of those child rapists in the priesthood been arrested and tried for thier crimes? No, in fact it still carries on right now as I type this out, thousands of children being abused by “Men of the Cloth”…of the what? “cloth” is that the crusty old cloth that Father McCafferty uses to wipe up all of that holy spunk and child’s anus blood?
In fact what is even more shocking is that just prior to Mr Pope Bendy-dict the 87th being officially selected as God’s human megaphone of bullshit, the catholic church sent out a “memo” asking for people to go easy on the kiddie fiddling until AFTER they’d announced who the next Pope was…

Isn’t that nice of them, reassuring and encouraging for all of us…I can just picture the scene as that paedophile concealer (which i thought was cosmetic paedo-foundation) Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger spoke to these “Men of God”…

“Sure we’ve all buttfucked a 9 year old or two in our time in the Catholic Church, or 9 one and two year olds eh Cardinal George Pell eh eh eh. Anyway everyone has their little vices BUT C’mon guys even Cardinal Roger Mahoney would have shown some respect whilst we were in the process of finding another 70 year old Virgin transvestite in a funny hat…So please guys, just try and have some self control for a little while would you. If you get any urges just lock the door and quickly jack it into your “cloth”…I know it’s a sin, in God’s eyes, to masturbate but cos we aint got a pope that means we don;t know for sure what might be thinking right now…so you’ve got immunity on the wanking until we find yet another catholic human being who’s also infallable…but it’s a no for shagging the children in the bumholes ok? God Bless.”

…Obviously he’d have said it in Italian but I think the nucleus of the matter was right there.

I actually read an article online the other day which was about the dirty old catholic priests and this woman, who i suspect wears a helmet in a rainbow coloured bus, actually asked this question…

“How can we get rid of all these Paedophile Preists?”

…Um…uh…..hmmmmmm…..tut tut tut…….duh…….OH, TRY THIS

….I sent this response via email to the women who write the article and as yet she has not sent a reply.
I think that her refusal to respond to this message, which I persoanlly feel is very very carefully worded, very well researched with 100% factual accuracey and, if you read it again you might notice that there is a very subtle yet clearly defined undercurrent and subtext of mild hatred and reserved anger…did you see it?

I hate all religions in one way or another but the catholic church has always been and will forever be the most dangerous, the most corrupt, the most deviant, the most powerful, the richest and the most Immoral of them all.
I don’t understand why people are so obsessed about the fact that this Pope Benedict used to be a Junior Nazi…HELLO? News Flash people! The fact he WAS in a “Teenage Reichstag Baby” isn’t the worrying part for me, i’m more concerned about the fact that since his misplaced youth as one of Adolf’s stormtroopers he’s actually got much worst, he’s now progressed along the evolutionary chart of meglomaniacal, mass murderering, pro-sexism/homophobia, AIDS virus promoting, WW2 Nazi funding, anti-scientific, retardant of human advancement, Anti-abortion loving fuck-less virgin Cunt…IMHO of course (I have to say that but we all know i’m right)

To wrap up this note, which I think has been as close as someone could get to GBH (possibly gang rape) without ever being touched, I’ll say just 2 things.

Finally on the catholic church and their “Pro-Life” gangsta massives who are always down wit they Homes in da “Fuk Da Embry-chronic Stem Cell Researchin’ Bitch”…
So always remember this, if you have a relative who suffers from Parkinsons and/or Alzheimers disease, Stem cell research has already discovered cures/treatments for both of these illness’ which we could have within the next 10 years BUT these pro-life spastics won’t allow that to happen cos the cells come from human embryos/feotus’…basically, these redundant fertilised embryos are more important to these people than your sick and suffering relative…think about that in the future….when they have to throw out ALL these Stem Cells into an incinerator because the feotus’ are past their use by date…no one wants a mouldy stem cell.

and Finally, it is basic standard practice when one is viciously attacking a/any religion to say the following;

“Now I know that not ALL religious are these evil lunatics, the majority of religious people are perfectly decent people who don’t go round hurting people BLAH BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH!”

I decided not that long ago that never again will I say that grammatic “insurance policy” when slagging off religion, I’m sick of this obligation we feel to point out that not all people are the same as each other…WELL FUCKING DUH!
Why is it only religious people who need that clarification when someone is demolishing an important aspect of what you believe?
If I’d written a note slagging off major elements of The Tory Party, i wouldn’t be expected to state that “Not all tories are like this…”
If i’d told you a story based around me meeting a group of 10 West Ham supporters who happened to all be complete cunts…i wouldn’t have anyone expecting me to Just state something which, TBH, should already be blindingly fucking obvious to everyone that can breathe in air BUT aside from that, it is completely and utterly irelelvent…it means nothing…it solves nothing…all it does is soothe your ego and reassures you that YOU are a good Chrsitian person…it doesn’t help the issue does it?…e.g.

“The WTC have just been attacked by Muslim extremists who hijacked two 757’s and then crashed into both WTC 1 and 2. These Islamic Jihadists fundamentalists Sunni/Sh’ia Al Qaeda Insurgent Muslim extremeists worked for Osama Bin Laden etc etc etc”

At some point an insecure Muslim will phone in or inject into the debate that these guys were a minority and not all muslims are like this…

…I KNOW THAT SHIT FOR BRAINS! I’m not that stupid, i’m silly, foolish, bit of a prat but i’m sharp enough to figure out that these 19 hijackers were not your average run of the mill text book 21st century regualar Muslims…It’s really not necessary for anyone to mention it…and besides, who cares that they were a minority, so what if not all of this religions members are like that…big whoop, that doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t solve anything and it doesn’t suddenly cause everything to make sense…it’s the most moot point that a mooter has ever mooted to a mootee.

Right, i think i’ve made up sufficiantly for my recent non-writing of notes.

If you have any complaints, objections or even a disgusted template face which this note has caused then, well, your a fucking moron really aren’t ya?



All the best hugs and Kisses from
Prof. Richard Coughlan (aka Richard Dawkins without any tact, decency or sensibilities)